Resolutions and the Damage Done (to pants)

Thank you, Mr. Young.

As I get ready to move on not only to stretchy pants during this time of year, but to a bigger size of stretchy pant, I would like to offer my New Year’s Resolutions, which will include the goal of downsizing said stretchy pant to a more manageable size.  (I will probably include a resolution pertaining to run-on sentences.)

Let’s go with 12.

1) I commit to reducing my off-key singing by 40%.  This is a doozy.  If followed I will be relegated to singing off-key 12 less times per afternoon.  Singing on-key is simply less fulfilling. Pray for me.

2) I commit to continue my search for new music.  Sounds like a boring resolution, but when I find a new band it helps extinguish even the worst days.

3) I commit to embracing my age, thus lifting with my legs coupled with an emphatic exhale in order to prevent grunting which would usually be followed by the regrettable, “Oh no.”  I think this is sufficient explanation.

4) I need to be better about calling friends and being an encouragement.  As we age, life can become more difficult…..and better.  We need to be a part of the process.

5)  Twinkie intake – reduced.

6) I would like to seek God at times other than when I’m in the stuff.

7) I commit to feathering my hair and going out in public.  It just seems like the right time.

8) More fiber.

9) I would like to avoid transforming into a super-cynic as the commercials for Republicans and Democrats ramp up for the upcoming elections.  The narrator from The Wonder Years should run for President.  I’d vote for him.  (Not the actual human body.  Just the voice.)

10) I commit to recording another lullaby album.  May need it.

11) Nikki said I need to eat more chicken.  Sounds reasonable.

12) I would like to impact eternity this year.  Take some real risk.  What happens if I fail to take risks?  Nothing.  I give you permission to hold me accountable and ask me on occasion if I have fulfilled, or attempted to fulfill,  resolution #12.

Bonus Resolution!!!

13) I would like to annoy the wife 22% less this year.  Now, if I fulfill #1 with moderate success then I will have fulfilled approximately 14.5% of #13 so it is imperative that I work on #1.  #8 would be a good place to start.  Full circle.

If 2012 truly is the year the world ends then I couldn’t be happier.  Life is good here on earth, but heaven is going to be better.

Good luck with 2012.  Don’t wait.

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